He always will.

He always will.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Passivity

I close my eyes
I see an untouched beauty,
I feel her innocence
Her smile radiates and her eyes glow.
I close my eyes
I see a darkness encroach
Look out, I shout
She doesn't hear me.
How I wish I could stop it
That girl is me.

Stepping Out From the Shadows



A Lenten Meditation


I need to make a clearing in my Dasein (being) in order to develop my personal relationship with God.


This school year has been rough and I need some new growth to get me out of the rut I’m in. I’m in the process of clearing an area for God to be at the center. Living waters. The tree of Life in the midst of the garden.


With prayer and reading scripture, I am healing wounds, and allowing God to come closer by clearing the clutter and sin from my life and my heart.


Sin, like the tall trees in the forest, has kept me from feeling God’s light. I am getting cold in the shadows, and God is calling me to make the clearing that I’ve needed for so long.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Broken

It feels like being ripped open.
We cannot, however much we want to, deny our natural feelings.
Love--
But maybe it is just the illusion of it
Yes it has to be
He tells me to put my clothes back on,
and that hurts.
There are little bits of time
that I feel loved,
they come and go.
It hurts even more when it leaves.
That isn't how it should be.
He wants me he says,
but does he?
He doesn't see past my skin,
how would he know?

Maybe there isn't someone who could love me past my skin.

Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia,

I believe I have it because it describes how I feel everyday. I go to the doctor in about a week. She has to diagnose me with this because I need answers. I need help. No 17 year old girl is supposed to feel this way. I feel trapped inside this unable body. I feel I don't have a choice to be who I want to be. I need to be who I am inside. I want to do things that I want to do, because I can't live any other way. The me inside is different then who I have to be because of this weak body. I can get through this, but I need help. I am hoping there is something out there that can help me. Because I need to LIVE again.